ASKOHSHELIA!

Feel free to ask me any and everything. If I don't have the answer, then by golly someone out there does.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mama Needs Some Love Too

| Shelia wrote @ 7:40 PM

2 Comments:

 Anonymous wrote...

Concentrate on raising your kids and worry about getting a man later.

7:11 PM 

 KEITH O JOHNSON wrote...

Hey Mama, your question is one that is rarely seen, but we all really want to discuss. Wonder why we don't?

As for your question, I would love to have some insight into the age bracket you're working with, as I do believe the age of the men you're dating is a factor. But, age isn't the primary issue here.

The primary issue is how do you get a man to RESPECT you and the many hats you wear as a single mother. You earn that respect by your lifestyle. When your children are the most important priority in your life, we get it. When your lifestyle contradicts that message, we get that too. But, when what you say and do are consistent, you will scare off the "quick hit" artist. Don't worry, unless you just needed a quick touch-up, they did you a favor. For the few that are willing to venture further, remember, you can't make him love you or your kids. What you can do is slow up the relationship to a pace that affords both of you the opportunity to actually get to know one another beyond the "resume" phase. What? Slow up and risk losing him to some sista that's willing to rock his world? Yes, my sista, slow up. I think you wanted a relationship, not relations. Relationships take time. Relations... we need a good five minutes. LOL

I don't have to preach to you about exposing your children to every man you meet because the majority of women are protective of their children and don't do that. When you are ready, keep the initial exposures short. Build on them gradually and always be mindful of his interaction with the kids. In other words, watch when he doesn't think you're watching.

What's going on in his head? Hmmm... I think even the best of us encounter some variety of emotions and observations ranging from: 1)D%#%, the children look just like their daddy to 2) sticking around long enough to see a bit of Mommie in them too... to 3)spending so much quality time that we actually see their individual personalities. If he makes it to this stage, you're in the ball game sista. Last thing, don't let his bravado fool you. He is nervious, wants to be liked by them, scared to death about disciplining them and exhilirated by the littlest things they do and say that he never imagined he could/would enjoy. That's why it's vital to slow up. The first time he told you he loved you, he loved you (complete with disclaimer). Now when he tells you he loves you, he loves all of you.

1:57 AM 

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